I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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