Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
