Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
