Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
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I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
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I have feelings that need drinking.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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