I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Vodka?
Forever.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
