i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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