Her vagina should come with caution tape.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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