I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
