if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Randomize
