Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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