I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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