38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
