another moral hangover. fuck.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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