apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
