i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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