why didn't you poke me back
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
