I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
