yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
