her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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