I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
