So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
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When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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