Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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