I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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