Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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