Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
