This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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