i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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