I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
