I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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