I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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