I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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