My first STD was from a foam party
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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