I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
