he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
