so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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