I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
