So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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