Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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