i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
