I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
sex in a hospital.. check
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
