she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
