you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
