There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
