considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
