dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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