i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
