two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
