well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
