im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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