I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
