im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
