Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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