Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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