are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
