i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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