She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
