We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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