Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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