i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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