Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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