i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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