did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
there was a trapeze. enough said
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
