also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
