Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize