who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
