I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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