Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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