I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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