Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize