Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
