Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
