All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
