She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
