My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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