OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
