Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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