my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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