dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
soo... how was my night?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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