it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
