1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
