I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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