Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
