please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
