I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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