I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
